Biden Morphosis: An AllegoryBy Bill Ferguson
As Joe Biden awoke this morning from uneasy dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed from the President of the United States into a gigantic insect…. What has happened to me? He thought. It was no dream. But he had dreamed. Then he remembered—he had dreamed he was Alice. Yes, he was Alice, he was in Blunderland, and Alice was speaking with the recently deceased Queen.
The Queen, after sniffing a powder contained in her purse, began: “You, Alice, are the First Subject of Blunderland. Our Blunder-Sphere rules the world by the Rule of Law. The Rule of Law is summarized in the First Law of Rule: ‘Everything I rule to be true, is not only true, it is law, especially if it is impossible.’”
“Alice laughed. ‘There’s no use trying,’ she said. ‘One can’t believe impossible things.’ ‘I daresay you haven’t had much practice,’ said the Queen. ‘When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.’
Russia shelled a prison under their control, full of Azov Regiment prisoners they were interrogating
Russia shelled a nuclear power plant which they control
Russia blew up its own pipelines…"
It must have been at or nearly at this point, that Biden had abruptly, if only partially awakened. “Whoa, Man! Gotta watch what I eat late at night. Was that a cookie or one of Hunter’s edibles? Course, maybe this whole gender thing is getting to me…” Still only semi-conscious, he struggled to recall the last days’ events, and then immediately caught himself: “that’s a bad idea…. I feel very strange about all this. But, hey, man, World War Three’s gotta happen sometime, and it’s been nearly 80 years, so we’re kind of due. This is a real mess, I’ll tell ya, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. Let’s get to it.”
When the President tried to get out of bed, however, he found that he couldn’t get any of his twelve legs to cooperate, and he lay there, as they simply waved helplessly before his eyes.